Incendiary Statements

Maybe the Brits are Right??

**Disclaimer: this rant is NOT directed at anyone. So if I am attending your wedding, please do not take this as an attack. I am trying to hear from somebody, anybody, the value in perpetuating these practices**

With wedding season upon us, I started thinking about all of these extraneous events that we go to in conjuncture with the actual wedding, engagement parties, bachelor and bachelorette parties, and bridal showers. I understand the bachelor and bachelorette parties as being one last hoorah before entering into the marriage, usually a night of drinking and cavorting with friends. I cannot knock this tradition as I most certainly took part in one of my own. A great night of gaming and drinking to ridiculousness while being chauffeured around in a limousine with a few of my closest friends. Ahhh, good times!

The engagement parties, on the other hand, seem a bit dated to me. They were originally thrown to actually announce the intent to marry to close family and friends. Nowadays, they are celebrating an engagement that is already public and seems like another means to be the center of attention at yet another event preceding the actual “main event.”

The bridal shower might be the bane of my existence. It was originally formed out of the archaic dowry practice in which the bride’s family was presented with material goods to basically purchase the female out of the family. Nowadays, I am pretty certain that brides aren’t looking to be “bought out,” but moreso are looking for free stuff.

With more and more couples living together for extended periods prior to wedding or even engagement, it seems superfluous to have this type of event. You have to give up a free day (usually on a weekend), buy a gift for the shower (in addition to whatever you are buying for the wedding present), play weird games at a party where you don’t know most of the other guests and make polite conversation. As one who “lived in” prior to engagement, I already had all of my household necessities and thought it greedy and self-centered to have a bridal shower, which is why I opted out. I found this quote in Wikipedia while researching and it struck a chord with me, especially since it came from an Etiquette book. ‘In the United Kingdom, bridal showers have been described as a “consumerist American idea” with “limited acceptability”.’ Maybe some of you could enlighten me as to why I shouldn’t hate on bridal showers, please, anyone?

Filed under: Traditions
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Kirk Cameron Should Retreat Back Into the Re-Runs of Growing Pains

An Open Letter to Kirk Cameron:

Dear Opinionated Former Child Star,

Congratulations on being a pillar of faith in your community while simultaneously becoming the most disliked person in the country! Your mother must be so proud. As someone with numerous friends and family in the Gay and Lesbian community, I can only hope for a day in which you are denied “inalienable” rights as outlined in our constitution (as they are) so that you can begin the fathom the depth of the impact of your words and the general ignorance that they breed. If I remember my Sunday School lessons correctly, isn’t your “faith” supposedly built on the foundations of acceptance (or at least tolerance)? Despite whatever you’ve been told, to be gay is not a “lifestyle choice” but moreso something engrained in a person. I think not. I personally do not know ANYONE who made a conscious decision to do so. Did you make a decision somewhere in your teens to like girls?

Growing up in America, there is more than enough struggle for young people. And thanks to people like you, these young people struggling to figure out who they are will feel even more marginalized and confused thanks to people like you. Perhaps you would be more comfortable in a different time? Maybe you should have been a slave owner or someone who helped to oppress women? That’s about how out of touch and dated your comments are. I am sure you didn’t think about the weight of your words before they came flying out of your mouth. As someone who is a fringe-celebrity that chooses to be a vocal evangelist, you should’ve known better than to crap on a segment of the population that most certainly had supported you, your show or career at some point to reach the former level of your popularity. Kiss that GOODBYE!

Good luck with being an Evangelist as it’s all you will have left to do now.

Incendiary Statements

Filed under: Idiots
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Well Golly Gee, Yes S.I.R.!

Who would possibly quit a questionably successful career of directing movies to start an internet radio station? Kevin Smith would. After an epic 2010 in which he got kicked off a plane for being too fat, he retreated into a world of chasing whimsy. This move was genius! He stopped worrying about what others wanted him to do, and began coming up with and going after small, but attainable dreams. He started podcasting in 2007 with his main producer and close friend Scott Mosier and Smodcast was born.

He slowly added more shows to his week such as Jay and Silent Bob Get Old, a weekly chat with his good friend Jason Mewes (aka Jay of Jay and Silent Bob notoriety) about his tales of interest and struggles with addiction. For Mewes, a former Junkie, this became a weekly intervention/therapy session between him and Kevin in front of a live audience. I have been fortunate enough to have seen this live in person at the Count Basie Theater in their home town area of Red Bank, NJ. It was well worth the drive, hotel stay and the ticket price. As I walked to the theater from the parking lot, I heard a familiar voice. I turned around just in time to notice Jason Mewes walking in the other direction. I was so excited! There goes a guy I’ve been watching on screen for the last 15 years and who’s been in my ear for the last 18 months via the podcasts. I even got to briefly meet Jay as we entered the theater. He was in the ticket line behind ne. He was trying to get a friend of his into the theater without a ticket and the ticket-taker was giving him a bit of guff about bringing someone in. I turned around in line and said, “Let him bring in whomever he wants, his name is on the marquee.” I then held the door open for him as we entered. He was very friendly and appreciative. As a guy (much like Kevin) who has been heavily supported and revered by his fans, he was not a disappointment in person.

In addition to these, I am also an avid listener to Hollywood Babble-On. This is a weekly (generally live audience recorded) show in which Kevin Smith and Ralph Garman smack talk all of Hollywood with the latest news and gossip. With Ralph’s involvement, the laughs just don’t stop. He is a constant impersonator with impression of Al Pacino, Ed Wynn, David Bowie, and even a “special needs” McDonalds drive-thru worker, the laughing just won’t quit.

These 3 shows plus Tell’em Steve Dave (a podcast centered around Kevin’s friends Walt Flanagan, Bryan Johnson, Brian Quinn and Ming Chen who run his comic book store “The Secret Stash” in Red Bank, NJ), are the foundation for S.I.R. (Smodcast Internet Radio). Since it’s official launch in May 2011, a number of stellar podcasts have been added. Due to my overwhelming obsessiveness with the hilarious podcasts within this network, I will be doing weekly posts about individual podcasts to follow…until then, go to www.Smodcast.com for more fun!

Filed under: Comedy
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Practice What You Preach

I received many uneducated, misspelled and grammatically incorrect comments on a previous post I made. These people resorted to attacks on my character for voicing a personal opinion. Several of these individuals even went so far as to sending harassing and hate-filled messages to me on Facebook. It was amazing to watch these bigots crawl out of the woodwork. Since I am all about opinions, good or bad, I approved their comments and let the opinions expressed through these words speak for themselves. It was even funnier as these persons claim to be “Good Up-standing Christians.” I am very pleased to not affiliate myself with this variety of hypocrites. They were laying judgment on me for having an opinion and additionally attacked me for it being one that they do not condone. As self-proclaiming Christians, I don’t think that’s where they would want to be “when Jesus comes back.” As one who hasn’t been forced into religion in quite some time, I don’t think I forgot that much. What happened to acceptance, forgiveness and turning the other cheek? I say practice what you preach. If you are going to “own” a label like that, back it up with your actions and don’t be so “fair-weather” about it.

And now for some Jesus Comedy:

“I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-shirt. ‘Cause it says like, I wanna be formal but I’m here to party too. I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party.” – Cal Naughton, Jr. from Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

Some of you obviously won’t agree with my opinion or take on Christianity, so in closing, everyone has the right to have their own beliefs. Beliefs are alright, but ideas are better as explained by Rufus (the 13th Apostle) in Dogma as written by Kevin Smith:

Rufus: “He still digs humanity, but it bothers Him to see the shit that gets carried out in His name: wars, bigotry, televangelism. But especially the factioning of all the religions. He said humanity took a good idea and, like always, built a belief structure on it.”

Bethany: “Having beliefs isn’t good?”

Rufus: “I think it’s better to have ideas. You can change an idea, changing a belief is trickier. Life should be malleable and progressive; working from idea to idea permits that. Beliefs anchor you to certain points and limit growth; new ideas can’t generate. Life becomes stagnant.”

Filed under: Comedy, Idiots, Policies
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Make Your Own Holiday Traditions

With the holiday season upon us, I am greatly looking forward to my traditional holiday festivities. I have a number of kick-ass holiday traditions. I spend the vast majority of the holiday running from house to house. It has been known to be a logistical nightmare. In all, I have Four Christmases every year (and it’s not nearly as funny as the movie of the same name would lead you to believe). For every Christmas I attend, I have to pit stop home in between to unload and reload the car for the next house. This generally means Christmas last 2-3 days depending on how the scheduling works out in a particular year. This year, I am excited to say, Christmas is only 2 days! I find it calming to have traditions to mitigate the stress all of this running and chaos causes.

The first tradition is the tree. It never gets put up until my birthday has passed. I did steal this tradition from my parents. As an only child with a mid-December birthday, it was always very important to keep a separation between birthday and Christmas (much like church and state). Once the lighting and ornaments are hung, the Christmas tree is topped with a McFarlane Jerry Garcia figurine (as pictured but minus the stand)…because nothing says Christmas quite like a Jerry Garcia on top of a Christmas tree fastened carefully with a hemp necklace!

The second tradition is ALWAYS having Christmas eve dinner with my mom and step-dad. It is always the calm before the storm of Christmas Day. A nice relaxing evening of presents, great company and fantastic food from the lady that gave me all the tools to develop into an excellent cook myself (or so I’ve been told).

And once home, the third tradition ensues. I pajama up, have a beer and watch the greatest Christmas film ever produced, “Emmet Otter’s Jug Band Christmas.” This fantastic Jim Henson production from a TV Special aired in 1977 was adapted from a book written by Russell Hoban which was published in 1971. It is a story that will warm the cockles of your heart about a mother and son who sell their prized possessions in order to buy each other the Christmas gifts they want. It is all puppets and is totally awesome. The soundtrack is an excellent mix of original and covered songs and still makes me smile anytime I hear it.

Traditions are what makes Christmas fun so honor the ones you have, but don’t hesitate to make some new ones while you’re at it!

Filed under: Christmas, Traditions
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